Donald Trump: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

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all main story tonight and cannot believe im saying this is donald trump annoy study thats why sundogs knowing that every tongs ninety said out loud he has shattering orgasm weve mostly ignores trump on the show but he is now one three states as been endorsed by chris christie and polls show him leading most super tuesday states which is big deal since nineteen ninety eight every candidate whos won most states on super tuesday went on become their partys nominee so at this point dont know trump is americas black mold it it may have seemed homeless a year ago but now that hes got frighteningly bigger eighties no longer wise to ignore it dont do understand what trump supporters might like him hes unpredictable and entertaining jet just look how we went off marco rubio on friday did ever see guys went like this its ruby all let it cuts objectively funding just as was funny when few years ago he tweeted all would like to extend my best wishes to all even haters and loses on this special diets september the eleventh he wished he doesnt lose his unhappy nine eleven there was part of me to even like this going its part of me i hadnt but is part of me and if you someone who sick party establishment he might seem like protest candidate with some attractive qualities we like him he got out like is he says what means i id honestly believe hes telling truth he spun out campaign nobody owns them wrestler business if he runs country like he runs his organization we would be in good shape dont trump can seem appealing until you take closer look much like lunch buffet at strip club the nfl or having pet chimpanzee so it seems fun but some day cocos gonna tell you fucking windsor because look at each those qualities those people listed first he tells it like kidneys does he because website politic back check seventy seven his statements and rated seventy six percent of them as varying degrees a false one ive witnessed this first hand he wants talk my old boss by tweeting if jon stewart so above it all on the gx ytv changes nine from jonathan liebowitz he should be proud of his heritage and then two years later rugs i never attacks dopey jon stewart his phone last night would never do that and then just lost year he claimed falsely to toned down in thought to appear on this very boring show who see trying to impress without logging all shows guests include sloth unpopular basically petting zoo with the desk but when we pointed out that he had never been invited this is how we responded all sudden see people saying that john oliver and saint john oliver and checked with my people psp be on show for five times and i i dont even hardly know who would would know what looks like whats not fussy about us what would expected know who i was with him for his inevitable angry tweets about this segment all telling what look like unlocking the assorted parents works bank secondly beginning it was genuinely destabilizing to on receiving end of log back confidence i even checked to make sure that no one had even accidentally invited hymnbook cool state cartons and when im not even sure he knows hes lying think you just doesnt care about what the truth is donald trump views the truth like this lima views the supreme court vacancy dont care about that in any way please gulf are have benign so little goerlitz google to leave next selling points that hes truly independent im not beholden to anyone or he puts it so funding my campaign i tell the truth how itll spent so far probably twenty twenty five million dollars okay lets break that down first on rich therefore tell the truth has the same internal logic is im vegan that full i know karate there is no cause effect between those two correlation usually goes the other way and what it is true that he hasnt taken corporate money the implication he has personally spent twenty to twenty five million dollars is bit of stretch because what hes actually done is loaned his own campaign seventeen and half million dollars on is just personally diffen just two hundred fifty thousand dollars and thats important because up until convention he can pay himself back for loan with campaign funds and you dont think theres significant difference between gift on alone try giving your spouse and on bus reload unna even he himself sometimes admits that his campaign is by no means completely self funded im so funding my camp other than little tiny ones where they send and you women said that we had woman seven dollars and fifty nights its what you do how could you send money back you know its its a its cute its beautiful they feel invest campaign he makes it sound like women stuffing growing me dont ability envelopes writing donald trump on front hes just to calling to send them back but hes taken in seven and half million dollars in individual contributions i think didnt want it maybe shouldnt have to donate buttons on his website because money isnt unsolicited when have to also someones credit card expiration date to receive it okay so so how about claim that hes tough well again im not sure about that because for tough guy he has incredibly thin skin back in nineteen ninety i spy magazine called him short fingered bulgaria im ever since the end is drug called to says receives envelopes from trump always with photo on which he suckled his hand highlight the leg capris craig usually with unknown three big city not so we still look this pregnancy seem phone but very fact he so sensitive about them is absolutely hilarious as is the fact that those notes for probably written in gold shopping which you so quintessentially donald trump something that gives the pulsing appearance of wealth but is actually just cheap tool no no fuel often involves rule since he loves to threaten to sue people like did with rosie odonnell she said was bankrupt i never went bankrupt so probably ill sue her because would be fun id like to take some money out of her fat ass pockets well of course of course needs to take rosie odonnell to court to take money out of pockets because hes tony tony fingers souls to reach into he met us to drugs you dont it but hes repeatedly threaten people with lawsuits and not followed through including the wrap up my camilla alone so dont know vanity fair and activist who lost petition from macys a to drop drums products all sue you is chums version all but zynga doesnt really mean anything but he says it all the time perhaps trumps biggest selling point as candidate easy success and where could people get vital idea im really rich i actually think have the best upper mid table of me and know what ive been very successful everybody loves me i went to an ivy league school im very highly educated i know words and best words please naturally the biggest word in sentence i have the best words is the word words but its worth noting wall yes he has made more money than most us will make lifetime not only did get a multi million dollar inheritance from his father but hes also lost huge amount and base is what we need be careful because as weve learned he will he will threaten to sue your fat ass pockets with these cocktail sausage fingers its all about his companys bankruptcies so i would just let his own daughter describe the state his finances at one point in his life i remember once my father and i were walking down fifth avenue and there is homeless person sitting sitting right outside trump tower and remember my father pointing to saying you know that guy has eight billion dollars more than men because he was in such extreme data that point you know im glad its really shows you the indomitable spirit of donald trump to fall to his lowest point and that very moment still find way to be kind dick to whole no no his company claims his current worth is in excess of ten billion dollars and theyve written it in all caps so it must be true put others of disputed dot figure in fact book once suggested that trump might be worth a me hundred and fifty to two hundred fifty million dollars which trump protested by suing the writer full thought you really dont which pretty round about way of getting high off way to ten billion you know for wreck who would trump lost that will suit twice but im glad that he suit if only because during deposition he explained his estimate of his net worth fluctuates based on and quote feelings even my own feelings im not can change rapidly from day to day think about that he claimed that his net worth changes depending on his mood which makes absolutely no sense body because he always seems to be in same mood specifically smog yeah ghastly posted moved motion all free cell by the way shin is intangible its brand is what he values are very much eight counties is disclosure form that released its about three billion dollars thats what values his brand as exactly he thought use his own name at three billion dollars high normal sighing and name calling how bad its what people pay hundred twenty dollars for plain white tee shot that is designed by count yeah west dont want just anyone teach us they want one designed by board sociopath with finger free i we the only seems bit hall especially because while trump aside if i put my name on something you know its going be good over the years his name is being on some things that have all you leaving very on goats including trump shuttle which no longer exists trump vodka which was discontinued truck magazine which folded trump world magazine which also folded truck university over which is being sued and course the trouble booking sites go trump dot com whose brief existence was im much real thorn side of anyone hoping gotta run to talk calm creatures i feel very lucky muscovites into and thats not even make mix rick comes to great steaks i judged raise the stakes trump steaks worlds greatest steaks and i mean that in every sense of word and sharper image is the only store where you can buy them not only could you know both those things anymore but why did he sell them at the shop god is only choice will take muscle shirt on in towards full and idaho pounds of the finest meats in america im sure every business executive is bound have few missteps but trumps lack of sound financial instincts is perhaps best exemplified by the business that put his name on back in two thousand and six just before the entire housing market collapsed i think its great time to start mortgage company will have great company strum mortgage trouble gets dot com and its going be terrific company yeah it wasnt but starting a mortgage company in two thousand six one worst decisions you could possibly might but guess you can convince yourself was good idea when you say thirty words and five of them all great great terrific trump im trump new blog site will never mowing solid business is what he really is is builder but building with trump written on it is not necessarily owned by him he might have just licensed his name to them something he claims is actually better than ownership you dont put up money you dont put up anything spoken like true builder and some of those licensed buildings so his reputation halt like the sales video for trump ocean resort in northern mexico im very very proud fact that when i build i have investors that follow me all of people ask me what is trump stand for more than anything else and use one word its always quality right but its easy to throw around word quality a view state of equality in problems stuffed with had ball he was never the buildup for that project which was later abandoned leaving would be called blast like william flames who lost hundred sixty eight thousand dollars feeling understandably be trite donald trump was an expert in in these types of projects so we fought in deposition for lawsuit regarding the property trump son donald trump junior conceded that trump brand could lead people to think project was solid investment is one the things that you learn through this process is of the trump name brings stability and viability to project dont ever bring stability of viability bites i imagine feel like and that might actually be the most honest slogan for the trump campaign trying twenty sixteen i dont if brings stability all viability certain people failed not only did investors and well pretty soon donald trump but also did in trump tower tampa another project that never got off ground and both cases trump characteristically deflected blame on the developers and you would think those investors facing up impossible legal battle given trumps tough talk when i get sued i take it right all to stick all way you know happens if you settle suits you get sued more sure dont settle anything i dont settle guess what he settled both those cases the problem is even when you can demonstrably proved trying to be wrong it somehow never seems matter you can hold his feet floor but dont just stand there on the stumps bragging about his boy approve full scale and blacks maybe because he spent decades turning his own nine into brand synonymous with success on quality and hes made himself the mascot for that brands like ronald mcdonald all chef boil date and that is who we have seen in the apprentice all wrestlemania or home alone two but hes actually going to be the republican nominee its time to stop thinking mascot install thinking man as candidate president needs coherent set policies whatever you think about marco rubio ted cruz at least you basically know where they stand but trumps opinions hoping wildly inconsistent is being pro choice and pro life for and against assault weapons bans in favor of both bringing ensuing refugees ims deporting them out country im that inconsistency can be troubling just this morning for instance it was also about fact that david duke former grand wizard the ku klux klan had told supporters vote for him and this was his aunts will you unequivocally condemn david duke and say that dont want his vote or that of other white supremacists this election well just you understand i dont know anything about david duke okay dont know anything about what you even talk about with the white supremacy or white supremacists honestly dont know david duke dont believe ive ever met my pretty sure didnt meet him and just dont know anything about really thats your best owns band because you definitely know who hes partly because you called him bigot and racist in pulse but thats not even fucking point the point is we can also log that you will either racist or you are pretending to be on some point there is no difference there im sure he disavowed david you place when type but the scary thing is we have no way of knowing which these inconsistent views he will hold an office where the stunned boy statement but vaccines linked to autism or his belief that mexico was sending us right pastes what about that plan he had to defeat all sees were fighting very politically correct war but think that had anything to with terrorists you have to take out their families when you get these terrorists you have to take out their families they they care about their lives dont kid yourself what can say they dont care about less you have to take out their families that is the front runner for the republican nomination advocating a war crime i need money so he was joking or exchanges moaned about any of these things and private individuals are allowed to change their minds we all do it but when hes sworn in as president on january twentieth twenty seven train on that day his opinions all going to matter and you will remember that night because hes one that time travelers from future will come back to to try and stop the whole thing from happening again the book current film and donald trump is and to tell you that says things that people want hear and i know hes very nice aim is powerful just listen to this one support explain what it means to her i was little girl right now dont even know what trump towers were i i knew that he was wealthy successful man somehow like there was i even as very young kid the word trump sort met rich treatment success shes not even wrong trump does sound rich its almost onomatopoeic trump is the sound produced when mouthy seventy slapped across face with will flower bills trump its the sound pool popping couple champagne above siri the dodge renovations wine cellar will finally completed the very nine trump is the cornerstone off his brand if only there were white to uncouple that magical words from man he really is well guess whats that race because it turns out nine trump was not always his familys night one boy over found prescient ancestor had changed its from and this is true drunks yeah even looks like smug little when they morbidly obese pigeon flies into window of whole host of what the book of store brands rubia folding off shelf gas station mini mart and it may seem weird to bring up his ancestral nine but to quotes donald trump he should be proud of his heritage because hes much more reflective of who he actually is so if you all think people voting for donald trump charismatic going promising to make america great again stop and take moment to imagine how you would feel if you just met guy named donald trump lets see just clearly a lawyer with stream of grow complete spent shoes on support form clan leader who ecology sawed whether or not condemn would you think he would make good president toys the spell now somewhat broken and that is what tonight im also few america to make donald trump again hashtag might still drunk again should know the nine drug and incidentally when we open it all i will have the best words and if you dont dont j trump dont comb which we owe you can download a drunk tonight chrome extension which replaced word trump withdrawn wherever appears in the house not condoning drunk again in her really weve chosen not make profit affect which probably irritate mr drums more than anything else so far tonight hundred thinking well thats all great but wish there was new campaign and but donald trump well here which is now here which hes right now because this is we we need to see improved fractionally so please rumors donald trump hes a